Congretion of Life's Moronic Moments

revival~!

2009-06-22T01:14:00.002+08:00

wow april second last post, that's just amazing!

my blog's pretty devoid of pics. sigh... i still dunno how to overcome tt lazy barrier and post stuff online XD

anyhow, hols almost up T.T and my studies are still in the midst of nada nada XD still takin to em games and stuff.

however, lookin forward to going back n meeting ppl i actually know XD hols was pretty interestin, and tomorrow i have to wake up at 4.30 pm PDT, according to LA timezones, just so i can attend an event. so ima goin for breakfast arounf 5, hitting the server arnd 6 XD gonna be so screwed by my parents if they found out, esp the one sufferin from PMS ><

oh yeah, i finally got round to using a table tennis table down under my block. it's actually quite fun, and i have no idea how much i actually sucked when i played sometime in j1, with some classmate (the lunchdates havent been repaid XD) guess i could play sometime XD

all in all, pretty interesting holiday, did many whim stuffs, meaning i just thought of it and spammed a good luck charm. wait till you guys see what i did to my chemistry revision guide XD
short of burning it, i guess it's a really weird idea =P

awright, guess i goin blog hoppin now XD what a time =P
nitex all, sweetest dreamx XD

2009-04-02T22:23:00.002+08:00

haha~! and i am back after a whole VERY messy week =P

first up~ kahang was great, but it was such a controlled camp! imagine going overseas and camping in someone's backyard! with a kitchen, facilities and even provided shoes =X

but yeah, overall it was great. met some old pals that i've not contacted since PAE~ go Ben 10~ =p

A divisions~! omg la. i picked up Sabre about what, 2 months ago? loved it cause the gameplay was so technical. priority and such helped supervise the play to an extent that was so fun~

anyway, main point is, i squeezed into the elimination round from the round robins. simply because my hits scored was 16. in truth, i had mixed feelings. i wasn't sure of myself during the round robins, and i should have done much better. feels like i let afew people down, but i can definately feel a huge difference in the performance from selangor to here.

well, with 3 nat team fencers and another few uber strong fencers, we managed to win the male challenge cup, as well as some other trophies. and for that we all had to hit the stage and shake brother paul's hand. here's what ran through my head:

this is probably the only time i'll be doing this. lets make it memorable. moonwalk up to him and do some wierd handshake! nah... that'll need his co-operation~ ok pretend to shake then make a face!

and so i did it. in front of the whole freaking school. roy roy, attention seeking boy =PP haha nolah, just didnt want to regret not doing it =D

sighs~ school has started for 2 weeks now, and i'm seriously lagging behind =D so much work left! happy school days everyone~!

P.S. (I FOUND A TORA COMIC~! AND STRIKE WITCHES FANBOOK~! KYAA~!)

2009-03-16T23:42:00.002+08:00

what is a dream if it's not achieved by oneself?
what is an ideal if it's not done by thyself?

just back from selangor open... it was rather devastating
first up, i fenced ok, but ended up losing due to my slipping form.
through a matter, you're supposed to improved, mine was a downhill slide.

thing is, even though i dont receive much recognition, i stillneed someone to be there for me.
i cant see my mistakes, and i hate the blind feeling that it gives.
so please. dont lead me on a wild goose chase. it might hurt more than it was supposed to.

with that over, toradora was amazing. (as usual)
although the plot now starts to fufill the requirements, the way the entire plot went was really good.
we should always aim for what we want, and never give up our dreams, no matter for what reasons.
sometimes, it doesnt help.

and even after saying all that, i'm not sure if i brought out the true essence of the plot.
the feeling that it gives trancends words. i cant express it cause i'm probably too amazed.

well anyway, it's been eventful, common test, selangor open, kahang (soon to be)
we'll play it by ear XD

signing off with a kick and a bow,
dong

2009-02-09T23:17:00.002+08:00

ahh... so long never post XD

laptop gone abit hard la. but things are happening for a reason i guess
because of a recent chain of events, (all are omg so suay)
ive actually started to place more importance in studies.
taking them out by myself, it's an amazing feeling actually XD

next, toradora!
wanted to blog about it since before i was born (metaphor)
it features such an eccentric romance, so that even though you know the main characters have their own chosen ones, i really want them to be together... a perfect couple, a perfect friendship.
yet it sports so many problems...
it's just so ultimately cool XD
and taiga's personality is... well... extremely rare to find the current setting of the world.
well, ryuuji's special too, in fact his devotion is amazing.
so overall, for a fantastic story of life's happenings and how friends can stand so close to each other, watch -> TORADORA!

haha, i'm on the last song on my list XD done some homework and such...
school has officially gone into full swing with the start of today.
lets go towards the finals together, regardless whether you're taking the exams or not.
if if you're not in the same class, or the same vicinity, as long as your goals are the same, you are friends, brothers with the same aspirations!

oh yeah chanbara. sports chanbara seems to be one of the latest things on my mind.
think of japanese swords, but change them into safe foam weapons.
that's how you get chanbara. the style of play is really fast pace reaction based blade action
the first to hit scores. that's just the theory of life isn't it?
well anyway, it's a martial art, and it's not that ex. might take it up XD who knows?

well time to sleep then.
good night everyone!
little tiger! circular measure!
nitex!

2009-01-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

CARNIVORE~! omg la. the brazillian restaurant that serves only meat.

we went there on a celebratory note, even though i didn't have much to celebrate it was to be an experience with friends =D
so anyway, 45bucks ++ for a single buffet. and holy it was crazy.
starters included medium beef strips and chicken. then came lamb and ham. then sausages. then a medium raw steak, bacon, fish, and lots and lots...
so we started off strong, but by the end... we. were. screwed. big time man.

so lesson learnt. DO NOT bring a date there. XD but it's an experience to try. the food there is delicious =D

next up, i'm moving from epee to sabre for the A-divisions. that realy sucks. i've been doing the epee for a whole recent half a year. sure, i havent performed, and rarely showed for training for a period of time, but...

it feels like i've been pulled from my roots, removed from my fight without it actually being over... oh well, i've come to terms with it. at least i can try to be good at another thing. i shall return to the epee after the competitions are over. at least something new XD

schools started. lappy confiscated.. it can't get worse, so it can only gaet better =D

homework's getting done at least, sure there's still much i don't know how to do, but the entire class is willing to help. XD

overall, life's been good too me (too full)
here's wishing all my friends, including the upcoming j1 students, a happy and fulfilling life!
my liege, rest well tonight, for thou shalt face thee's challenge once more.

2009-01-15T00:20:00.002+08:00

haha~!

learnt a few life lessons today (sort of)

first up, today i was told that i think too much!
that's when i'm fencing.
haha~ some fencers told me that i needed to relax
and to just fence according to my skill.

and... truth is, when you acknowledge your own level and take steps to attain improvement, one can indeed pursue a great improvement...
i seem to work better when there is someone giving me advise.
all i need to do is execute! but with my own flair

so thanks to all those who told me how i wronged others, those who gave pointers on how to conduct myself.
it has indeed made my life alot better XD

also, i never knew how'd a guy n gal would feel when their relationship was always referred to in the public.
sensitive and cute guys would end up being seriously affected by the constant mention =P
so we must be careful about what we say to others =P

yupps... tired out...
sleeping time XD

just so long... as you stand... stand by me~!
nitex!

2009-01-12T22:12:00.002+08:00

haha~~

school's reopened... and i've started it on a bad note....

first of all...
all i wanted was to be there for you...
and i had to tell you something...
something that ruined your day...

i was a tactless inconsiderate complete jerk.
and i really wanna make up to you for this, but i don't know how...
anyway i try i seem to face the risk of hurting you further...

anyhow... tonight... maybe things might change...
maybe... but i still yearn to put a smile on your face...

a friend. a true friend. it's all i want to be.
yet there forever is an invisible wall between us...
i have no idea how i can make you comfortable.
how to comfort you when you're down, how to bring up certain things.
even more clueless as to you yourself...

call myself a friend? more like a meddling bystander trying to interfere with someone's life.

here i solemnly pray.
pray for thee to find thy happiness
find thy hope and faith
pray thee find it, and treasure it
and wish that thy can join in your quest
on the stairways to thine light.

i'm not giving up. i'm not going to brood over this.
what's done is done. and i must continue to try~!
haha...

once for the night. i wish thee good night.
may you smile once more. just for your sake, mayhap for mine

goodnitex

2009-01-09T00:19:00.002+08:00

woohoo~!

friday -> saturday -> sunday -> monday

school reopens~!
life sucks~! hell~!

anyway, novices (fencing) on this weekend. omg la...
our entire club seems really revved up for it though...
the gold medal carries a bounty of 150 SGD~!
so yupps we ma aim and aim hard~!

tomorrow's open house.

notice one thing about how i just posted...
it's all relating the things that recently happened.
however, my feelings are but subtly seen in the recollection... sighh~~
i feel like i'm posting for no reason, but having something to type these things out really provide a region of outlets for everyone.
go figure, that's the ability of blogging, a free online entity linking you to the world, but the link is one way, for now.

haa~ life's theories... irritating, yet super interesting...
take care everyone!

nitex all~

2009-01-02T02:46:00.002+08:00

first post of the new year! (just realised i lost my interest to read blogs =X)

anyway~

school starts in W days X hours Y minutes and Z seconds!
where W or X or Y is always smaller than Z!

ok shit this means that we have to finish our homework.

haha~ recently everything's pretty much calmed down.
but as they say, the calm before the storm.

things i have done include:

- making a model ship
- blogging
- reading blogs (omg you HAVE to read kum's)
- heading to arcades (argh... my money sapper~~)
- watching movies (screw man i actually watched one alone?)
- playing MMOs

things i have to do include:

- homework
- play more MMOs
- fencing training

sighh...
well, at least my excuse can be that i was saving the world when my homework was burnt
then strip to bare skin and scream "i am superman"

oh yeah, now when i see ppl playing psp, i can understand the PAIN
it sucks not having that stupid piece of metal and plastic blended together
it's moveable parts twitching at your touch, it's screen flashing at the speed of light (duh)

i miss my PSP~~!!!

but i should study so yeah.

OK~! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

how did you all spend it? especially yesterday? mine was BOOOORING~!
so yups. enough of the twilight blogger! nitex~~

2008-12-29T04:31:00.002+08:00

haa...

i realise alot thing in life can come and go in a flash.
many things are non-existant, yet they seem to last a lifetime.

how were the past holidays?
what have you achieved through it
the holidays. ii don't remember their start, but their end came before i knew it
however, the school days seem so far away.
sigh....

anyways~

OH MY GOD today (yesterday officially, cause i'm posting after 12)
it's supposed to be fencing farewell for seniors.
problem is. at around 10pm, i sms a fencer and ask is the party today
so. i pretty much just missed the entire thing. T.T

tomorrow, (officially today, cause... ok nvm)
i wanna hit marina square. ima do sth ima not done for a long time. if you see me, dont forget to say hi XD maybe can join me also, as long as you can clear... well we shall see... XD

haiz.z.. i actually had something to post about.
oh wait i do.

went shopping recently. about yesterday? (officially 2 days ago)
i realised that when you're given a situation, even in that moment of a time you can make a choice. as such, my mum dragged me down to HMV to get something, and ended up walking to Suntec anyway. So when we walked into suntec, she wanted to do shopping. i actually made up my mind that even though i dont shop, especially for clothes, i'll just take part and see if i find anything i like.

maybe it's not very significant for others, but i realise that our time is wholly made use of by our own intentions. if it's something that you do not really enjoy, then you can do something to allow yourself to enjoy, and in the end, instead of wasting your time, your mentality turns it into something fun.

when you're with someone you have no topics to talk with, treat the person as the the one that you wanna woo, the one that you have a crush on. you don't know what you have in common, you dont know what might interest them. use this time as well, get to sharpen your tact, senses, and topic.

everything in the world is usuable. it's a sad but undeniable truth! XD anyway i put it across like a joke that no one got. think about it a little. instead of spending time and energy hating something, spend that which is wasted in trying to make it more enjoyable =D

kkk... it's super late. and i think there's something wrong with my blog's dates. so yeah. gd nitex anyway~~!

2008-12-23T08:10:00.002+08:00

ahhh~~~ there's supposed to be training today BUT i can't go...

ANYWAY~

jubeat's the latest audition in town =PP
and yeah, it's pretty fun, and pretty tough also. i mean 16 buttons???
well my debut was ok, the game was pretty fun...
but my second try, even though i knew i had most of the keys, they seemed to auto miss...
so that had me wondering for awhile. and in the end after 3 games on the second try i gave up
oh well, at least it's still fun =PP

AMK is really cool... when you walk away from amk hub area, you realise how populated their neighbourhood is... people are everywhere, and they seem to create a really lively area... oh and the void decks were like wind tunnels, what the hell super winds...

haha... christmas is coming, and i didn't get anyone a present. sorry people, but i didn't set my mind on anything particular yet =PP
THUS~ i cant give any thing XD
what an excuse!

overall... this blog post feels abit weird for me... i dunno... it's like things aren't linking up... things that should be happening are not happening, although some are... and everything is just about that much off target...

ok la dont rant le...
SCHOOL IS REOPENING SOON PEOPLE~
STUDY HARD~
PLAY HARDER~!

XD

2008-12-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

whoa~ life has been crazy recently XD relatively mundane, but kind of fun~ =PP

two stuffs that happened recently:

my epee (fencing sword) broke off XD
and i lost my psp. but shhh i haven't told my family =P

replacement of my blade costs a total of two-nine-tie~ (290)
kinda expensive for something that is used to kill other people, well at least relatively =P
then afterwards i fenced a rally of horrible matches. perhaps i wasn't on form.

anyway~ fencing training in school really sucks. first off we get a 3.5km run.
surprisingly, 3.5 km feels much shorter than when you run it on the tracks.
hmm.. guess 2.4km run does have it's flaws

after that we did really weird exercises... i know footwork up and down the piste is to train speed, but continuously for three minutes doesn't really serve the full purpose XD
instead it wears us out. think on it

anyhow, back to the lost items... when i couldn't find my psp, i was pretty amazed that wasn't all that frantic. sure, i looked for it over and over again, felt abit sore. but overall, it was really interesting.

anyhow~ now watching singapore playing viets. it's really interesting, singapore barely surviving, and we're all hoping that they'll pull off a miracle and score =DD

go singapore~ fare well my friends~!
til' we meet again XD

2008-12-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

lawls. they say mothers are caring. i say mine is TOO caring.

here's how it goes.

i bathed once as soon as i got home. running abit of temperature and felt abit cood, so warm water was pretty heavenly. ok so i got out of a steaming bathroom later and almost immediately fell asleep. that was around... what, 7~8pm

and i wake up around 10:40 pm, still feeling real cold. haha so abit of ROYAL PHYSICIST in me kicked in, and i decided that by taking a lukewarm bath instead of a steaming one would be more effective. hm, it worked though, so thanks to physics anyway XD

HOWEVER~ later she realises that i bathed a second time. so she starts asking questions:

You okay not?
Not feeling well?

then comes the WTH-? question.

You is it today anyhow come, now trying to wash off AIDS?

er apologies to whoever i was with today. but i believe you'll find it hilarious too. then i was like really abit weirded out, so i went:

No la. Really never. Today was studying, check my bag la!

Then she started saying i reply her forcefully, then say my grandma don't care us, left her all alone. Then also say she trying her best to keep the family up, say I like that she no time go out (she's going Malaysia tomorrow, ok abit of slack for that, but to this extent?), then she no friends.

(oops, don't wash dirty linen outside. never mind la this is dirty silk. different material.)

anyway, yeah thanks mum for caring, but i really have no space for your everlasting bitching about people you think don't help us (which i can tell they don't really like helping us, but i don't hold grudges. guess i got it from my father.). so yeah.

ANYWAY~ today was pretty interesting. i actually started studying. am i like just POPULAR or what =P (inside joke, maybe it's not even funny but hey.)

SO yeah, people, love your mothers, and yourselves, and if you ever decide to bathe twice just to lower your temperatures, make sure you promise your mom not to bathe for the next five days or something.

i don't have an ambition. i have a purpose. pretty philosofical, but abit lame also. kkays nitex all~ sleepy le (i just slept =XX)

buaizz~

2008-12-11T23:45:00.002+08:00

today was downright crazy...

here goes:

first thing in the morning i head out, i realised that my initial meeting was cancelled... hmm... nothing to do, and i'm already overspending, so i decide to overspend more!

so i ran to ehub to try and get some free nebo membership, in the END i was told that need to register, and i was too lazy to verify. so yeah... i went to ehub for nth... since wangan there was filled up as well.

so MOVE HOUSE! i went to white sands to see if they had free machines. in e end, nope also dont have. but i already topped up 20 bucks~ so how? sian nth to do. decided to go to dhoby ghaut! atrium here i come!

there cfm got free machine. so in the end i played there....

then later i got an urge to watch a movie. alone. so i decided to run up to the cinemas to check out the screenings... the day the earth stood still. interestingly, i went exactly on it's release date, so might as well. =D

most important thing is, i seem to keep running into people i know. ran into some friends outside the toilet, had completely no idea what they were doing there though. but i kenda lied i was watching a movie with aome primary school friends, cause watching one alone already kinda sucks. (the counter actually asked me: only one?)

then, while waiting for the movie, i hung out at star factory, and ran into my ex. omg la. summore just yesterday i tried to call her. then out of nowhere she popped out =X so coincidential.

every once in awhile we make some choices, and we run into things that we never knew would happen. we with-hold information, we lie to cover up. we don't have the chance to tell others what our true intentions are, and others don't have the chance to clarify.

we all have someone we want to protect, someone we want to have, someone we want to be with forever. but once we've been torn away, have we the ability to find another?

anyhow, solitary life has been sorely intruded, but i found it really refreshing to meet familiar faces when you're all alone. it makes you... not alone...

thank you everyone. hugs and kisses (OMG DID I JUST USE THAT XD)

nitex~

2008-12-09T03:26:00.002+08:00

hello~! everyone~! i'm back from the land of china~!

wokies~ china was fun~! well their domestic flight started off great, cause the plane was so unstable that it sometimes fell one metre or two in midair~! it's like a dropping sensation XD

mann~! china can save so much on air conditioning! at least during the winter times =P the temp of the surroundings there is cooler than most of the buildings~! and my long coat immediately came to use. XD

anyway, china southern airlines has pretty interesting service standards XD remember inflight meals? they always give you a serving and walk off. hell me and junwen ended up deciding to test the service, so we called for another serving of the main course. to our surprise, it actually came~! (but in the end everyone around us started calling for some =X i didnt know where to hide =D)

china trip was interesting, i guess. other than a choice of food that we didn't really manage to really get used to, it was a chance for us to meet people who we didn't really see in our schools. they usually take a different block, or a different level, and we all take completely different subjects... thus, we end up pretty much not knowing each other. guess going overseas helps~ nice knowing all of you guys, i hope that next year we'll still hit the road~!

long live S.H.Ades~!

anyway, for one of my dearest friends, i hope that you'll soon be able to continue your quest to glory. though i know you won't be reading this, i want you to know that we're all really behind you. for all that it's worth, so am i, 99.99%. the 0.01% is for myself, thanks. XD anyway cya soon, and i hope you like what we've gotten~!

to everyone~

我们是S.H.Ades来到了新加坡，带来了我们的团体唱的一首歌：SesameStreet!

lawls~! kkays~ hope to see you all around~! have fun!

2008-11-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

amazing~ one day before my chine trip and i still went to escape XXD

today went to escape to spend off some complimentary tickets... exactly four for me and my four friends... hmm...

first thing we went in was to try out the viking XD traditional starting =DD i'm actually still afraid of the vertigo XD

hmm... but fast forward to the main stuff... i was just about to move off on my go kart later, then the engine blew! crap... but i guess i was dry throttling too much also... ramming it on the brakes XD

oh yeah and i tried out the bumper boats... -.- OMG LA~! so kiddo =P but it was super fun also XXD seriously? try it out =D

haunted house revamped, inverter and rainbow closed for mantainance... so yeah...

anyway, nice to see some old friends. some still as cock as usual. some really just themselves. XD lets do it again sometime, just stop making fun of me whenever you can kay? XD

later before going home, stopped by wangan mignight in hougang... played abit of story, then 3 other players met up and started racing. they just started, so i guess i joined in. hope it wasnt against some etiquette or anything =XX but later on when they wanted to play no handicap, i pressed the acclerator instead, and didnt realise my mistake =.=

so in the end, we played with a boost on handicap, meaning any car behind the leader will be given a speed increase.

so here's how it went... the three cars were 800 hp, 680 hp and 600 hp, where hp is horse power. the higher it goes, the faster your speed. i was 640 hp. naturally, the 800 hp one was more skilled as well, and so on and so forth...

however, what i didnt expect was that the 680 hp and 600 hp really arent good are gear shifting and the track, so they lagged behind real quick. so i was trying to catch up to the 800 hp... pretty hard =X

who knew, at the ending he literally crashed, and i took the lead in the last 1 km. in the sprint to the finish i managed to stop him from overtaking =D

so in the end, it was a pretty lucky win =X but my first nonetheless =D however he challenged me to hakone inbound later, and i got screwed =X it's the hardest track with a large amount of turns =X i took it gracefully though XD

Subaru WRX STi! so fun~! kumz and donny, expect to see you guys soon =P

haha tomorrow is china day~ i promised to bring back something money cant buy, so we'll see what that'll be =P

hola amigos! adios!

2008-11-28T17:34:00.002+08:00

TODAY~!

haha tried out wangan series 2 in batam, it was so fun that i decided i would try it out in SG...

and so i did XXD today ,went str8 to school, then went to atrium to try it out... it's so fun sia~

now i'm driving a 600 HP subaru impreza WRX sti... XD wasted quite abit though, but overall a really cool driving game... need lots of improvement though =PP

haha~ batam to me now seems like a blur... everything went past so fast... yeasterday when i typed to post i also didnt kno what exactly to say, and i dont now also. but if there's anything weird in there, i was pretty tired =P

anyway, it was really cool XD i have to pack todae, then have to go escape tomorrow... WAW crazy schedule =PP haha~

time for reminiceience! i dont care tomorrow play truth or dare XD

i LOVE MY PHONE~! but i can never find another just like it =X unless i buy back the same phone XD but that's something i dont think i'll do any way. anyway blog hopped already~! donny, tim, kumz, jw, ty, anyone wanna play wangan ask me along XXD thnx~~!

thy shall hold the shield once more, thy shall hold the sword once again, thy shall play wangan~!

2008-11-27T21:02:00.003+08:00

back from batam...

finally...

ok. a word of fairness. batam was

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

XD

kk enough one liners.... ocip planning was as tight as it could get.
countless amounts of planning and such, and in almost every turn i met with some kind of inexperienced problem.

honestly? we were rookies in the field of planning. we could have sat there planning for over ten hours a day and we would still have screwed up the entirte thing anyway =D

so anyhow, the real behind the scenes is the one who managed to continure to remain behind the scenes... so kudos to the teacher for this. honestly it really helped alot.

irony? no one knows. but everyone is still reluctant to give too much credit to a rulesetter =D

on the other side, the entire class was really amazing... everyone was so awesome there, i actually feel bad only mentioning afew names XD

ocip is over, and i'm still yawning while i'm writing this... all those not feeling well get well soon~! jy~~!

T.T really tired... anyway, played wangan in the arcade.... kinda got me interested... dunno if i should play in singapore... might try tomorrow... who knows =D

nyaa~~! had afew bad dreams over there in batam... one of which was a nightmare in the hotel breakfast room =X it made me realise something but i'm trying to deny it =PP

sleep well everyone~! nitex~!

2008-11-20T13:11:00.003+08:00

1. What is your full name?

Roy Yong Dong Shan~! or Roy Dong Yong Shan =DD

2. Are you single?

Yep~! single, but i dont mind finding the one who makes me double back =P

3. What is your favourite number[s]?

hm.... phone numbers? everyone's phone numbers =PP

4.What is/are your favourite colour?

honestly? white n black... imagine a flowing white robe~ kyaa~~!

5.Least favourite colour[s]?

got to be transparent... cause got nothing what =XX

6.What are you thinking now?

"kyaaa~~ i'm late!!! but i wanna finish this too =XX"

7. Are you happy with your life right now?

hmm... i wanna help more people, and yet i dont want to interupt their natural cycle...
but overall in my position? i've learnt to be happy~ just nice the song playing when i'm writing this is "always look on the bright side of life" XD

8.What are your favourite subjects in school?

i hate school. but i love my friends. so i love school. the chinese saying is ai wu ji wu~ which means when you love the house, you like everything else about it too, even the crows =P so i dont like no subjects, oh maybe PE =P

9. Do you shop at malls?

yeah i do, but it's always window shopping for a trach coat, or games, or arcading but not playing... training self control mah =P

10.Where do you wish to be right now?

hugging something soft. wait i am hugging something soft. =D

11. What should you be doing now?

leaving my house IM REALLY LATE KYAA~~

12.Do you have any crush on anyone?

100% yes. but it's just a crush... more like i admire the person =PP oh this one is a different one from the truth or dare people XD

13.When was the last time you bought a clothing item?

2~3 days ago~! winter wear for china =DD

14. What was the last thing you drank?

err... reamins of tea made from lipton teabag mixed with water.

15. Do you hate liars? Do you hate backstabbers?

lol~ i hate backstabbers~! but sweet lies are sometime necessary... and i find sweet lies really... well.. sweet?

16. Can you make yourself sneeze?

oh try me.

17. Do you fall for people easily?

haha... my friend once asked. what's the point of going into a relationship that you do not want to last forever? i want to meet my closest and best soulmate... i thought i had once, but... i'd say it wasnt easy. so yeah... another friend said, there has to be this special feeling. this untold happiness when you're with that person... so true

18. What does your last text msg read?

i think... it was something along the line of... sorry i'm in fencing, why'd you call, or something like that. i lost my phone after that though =X

19. Are you too forgiving?

i hope i am. i find grudges tiring... being friends with everyone is my best bet =P world without strangers!!

20.How many windows are open on your computer?

four... MSN, a convo, this page and my own imeem player =D

21.Who was your last call from?

er... a classmate, mr first aid =D

22.What do you do with most of your time?

i play games. fullstop =D off course got emo time and others, but it says most in the question =PP

23.Will you & your ex get back again?

she's beautiful. to me at least. but i'm determined never to get any closer than friends.

24.Do you sleep with the TV on?

done it before, but my sofa sucks for sleeping =X i do sleep with my com in my face though..

25. Which of your close friends live the closest?

another classmate, just down the road afew blocks~! wonder who she is =D

26.Which item could you not live during the day?

er the question has issues... which item can live during the day? i mean, it's an item =X but er... that's be my specs. =D or some would say it's my smileys in my messages

27. Would you share a drink with a stranger?

sure. unless he declares he has some saliva weirdness, then hmm... i'd share, but i'd drink first.

28.How was your weekend?

amazing. i made so many friends that were friends before and are now even closer friends =D alot of planning that was simply fun. and everything was just falling together =D

29.Do you believe ex[s] can be friends?

100%. but does the other party believe so i dont really know XD

30. The last person you quarrelled with?

parents. got scolded =X

31.The way to win your heart?

loyalty. chivalry. and that special touch.

32.What did you do last night?

dancing (go figure) supper til 11, phone till 1+ then a nice long sleep

33. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

er you think it's easy to find roys in the world? but no i dont =D

34.Are you looking for a boyf/girlf?

never say no to another who holds a torch for you. never say no to yourself when you hold a torch for someone. should the time come, why not =X

35.One song that is meaningful to you?

everytime we touch, by cascada. miracle by cascada and sk8er boy by avril also work, but i'd go with the one that inspired alot.

36.Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?

scoop =X

37.Do you drink milk straight from the carton?

i'd like to follow the cliche term, a GLASS of milk, so yeah from a glass please =P

38.How long is your hair?

shaggy cut~! dont intend to cut it though.

39.Do you like batman?

HAHA~! you have no idea~! i dont mind him, but you should watch justice league if you want to see a really cute batz~

40.Who was the last person who told you that they love you?

my ex. and i dont even know if it was true.

41.When was the last time you sang out loud?

just yesterday. song was numb i think.

42.What did you have for breakfast

two half boiled eggs n bread n tea~!

43.Is your birthday a holyday?

nopex.. 10th jul usually accounts itself for a lets get back to school time =X

44.Can you cook?

sure. question is how well. but i can do the easy stuff no problem =D

45.Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

mum bought it. i never do up my wardrobe. ever.

46.What was the reason for the last troubles you were in?

my folly. reason? er... love of gaming =X

47.which do you wear more? sweats 0r jeans.

NONE~! but if my pants swing to jeans then fine.

48. When is your birthday?

shouldnt this come before the holiday thing? but 10th jul 1991

49. Do you swear alot?

i believe i'm the only one who ever bothered to abstain from cursing.

50. What was your first achololic drink?

red wine. hated it at the start.

51.Do you have any regrets?

live life without regrets. seriously.

52. Who would you like to see now?

my friends... every single one of them. i want to see them all.

53.Have the cops ever come to your house?

haha~! that'd be cool if they wanted to save me from some burglar, that'd be cooler if they came to take away the burglar i took down =P, but ATQ, so nope.

54. Are you a social or anti-social person?

social. anti-social shouldnt be used like that =X wrong word use. but sometimes i'm abit adverse to stuff that look like they're headed for a cl;iff for no apparent reason. but give me a reason, and even a cliff forms a road.

55.Who are your best friends? Are you still friends with them?

everyone! but if i have to name afew. hmm... i cant. i love all my friends. not that i dont treasure best friends, but more like i treasure every single one of them.

56. Ever been in love?

i dont dare to pass that statement easily. the last time i thought i was in love, it actually ebbed away... now i dont even dare to think that i love someone.

57. Ever had braces?

nope. none of any kind... guess i was born pretty blessed but took it for granted... =X

58. What do you wear to bed?

usually whatever i might wear out. i mean after i bathe and change of clothes.cause my choice always about the same =XX

59.Who was the last person who disappointed you?

myself =X

60. Do you trust people?

absolutely. unless i have reason not to, they are worthy of my 100% support =DD

61. Who was the first person you talk to today?

it'd have to be a classmate... since today officially started at 12 midnight.

62.Who was the first person who text you today?

the same classmate.

63. what was the first thing you did today?

once again, since today started at 12, i was on the phone.

64.Ten people to tag:

1) Junwen
2) kumaran
3) Sandy
4) murong
5) arwin
6) kimberly (but she has no tagboard =X)
7) *volunteer please*
8) *volunteer please*
9) *volunteer please*
10) *violetteo please*

2008-11-20T01:03:00.002+08:00

OCIP!

it's time to be real HYPER!! haha~ it's like 1.04... and i'm still almost jumping with overflowing adrenaline... too much coke =XX

we met at around... 2?

my bus ran right past the condo... and i actually went to ask the guard post if i needed to sign in D= gave the lady lots of problems =XX but still, i got an escort to the clubhouse~ makes me feel like president arrival to some minister meeting XD

anyway, the dance started when we chose mambo... at first we had choreographer patrick! then it immediately swung to head choreographer JESSIE! but that was at 5 so WHAT WERE WE DOING IN BETWEEN??? AHHH!!!

anyway, the dance is so cheesy! but it's damn fun also =X i couldnt look the audience in the eye. AT ALL! =DD too embarassed =XX

overall~ it was damn fun. had a really fufilling dinner and a holy ride home... my bus came pretty fast =P

friends...

we all have them. and most of us know they're always there...

things is... what happens when friends, so trustworthy, so loyal. turn into someone you can hardly understand...?

why do we torment each other so...?

i dont want to lose any friends. and i will draw my sword for anyone who has a cause.

and yet that's all i can do.

but that's what i will do.

my sword will cut through your path.
mt shield will block the assult.
my lance shall guide the way.

but ultimately, my loyalty is pledged to my leige. he who is worthy.

everyone chooses their own path...
action. reaction.
doings. retributions.
damages. reinbursements.
destruction. reconstruction.
hurt. heal.

life has many more possibilities than the two white and black choices.

once again.

live life. without regrets.
if you think that you'll regret not trying.
then try it.
if you think you'll regret not pushing.
then push it.
if you think that you'll regret anything.
go for it.

i love everyone~ and i hope to help in forging life.
iron cast memories that stay with you forever.
we shall all make them together.

HYPER POWER~! KYAA~~!

2008-11-14T10:38:00.002+08:00

new post~!

everyone!

EVERYONE!

haha cascada miracle really inspires me. thx junwen~

anyway every should now cheer up! it's coming~ it's coming! we either zip up or stand down
so i say we ZIP UP~!
get on your feet move it!
aint no lazin gonna get ya blazin

haha~ very hyper suddenly! but gonna meet violet le~ so i'll need all the hyper i can get.
feel like bringing laptop to watch justice league all the way... it'll be weird on the bus though XXD
anyway~

this is a short post~ i'll be signing off now~
stay happy! stay energised~! stay up and OVER DA TOP~

*jumps and flys to the moon!* XXD
(omg i just remembered i have classical beegees singing how deep is your love on my blog =X)

2008-11-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

does it just kill to not get what you want?

when you cant help it and things dont go your way.

i wouldnt know. my life has been a slide. smooth and yet unable to change.

but what about the others?

when life doesnt give you what you want, do you enter a standstill?

does everything come to an end when the journey ends?

and when do we really ever stop trying?

and again, when is enough?

how do we not cross the line when we want to care for someone?

and how do we react to it?

honestly. i sometimes fine myself too analytical.

well here goes.

give yourself a chance.

you're a friend that i've found through your darkness.

and though you give off your magnificent sparkle, you hide a shroud of sadness.

your smile is cheerful, and yet filled with sorrow.

it's not easy to forget... is it?

we're all with you.

don't keep it in, it'll help.

but you're the most important person

perhaps to someone else.

perhaps to more than just one.

i miss my past... but she's happier now.

we're friends, but i dont know if it's the same...

you're caring, you do not wanna make his life miserable

nor yours any worse, though that is hasty.

whatever your choice, i stand by you.

him, what a laugh.

i'm actually listening in to someone i could hardly speak to at the start of the year

but he's different, very much so from my first impressions.

my feelings are not important,

and i really hope that whatever i say will not affect anything negatively.

you've heard this before.

when we do something, if we do it quick, we may live to regret it.

if we dwell on it, we strive not to regret our decisions.

as such, we tend to hesitate.

however, if we made a choice after hesitating, we may live to regret the hesitation

the most important thing is

never regret your choice... if you're going to regret it, dont do it.

trust yourselves. and stand by yourself 100%

and live, happily!

haha~ why i so emo.... it's late already...

ocip nearly got cancelled today...

cant say it's anyone else's fault but mine.

i will dedicate myself fully to the cause for now.

when faced with a dead end, will you accept it? or go all out to do something about it?

my friends, you're all special. be happy. kay~? nitex~!

dong.

(leave your blogs on my tag board =D)

2008-11-07T15:26:00.003+08:00

erm if you dun wanna read on crappy relation of the day's happenings, the post actually starts halfway through.

er, can everyone who reads please leave me their address? thx.

T.T

omg la... blogging on 7th november...

this really sucks...

anyway, here's my part of the story..

TODAY~! haha fund raising. i head over to school. omg la 7 in the morning in school and all the j2 were all like reading their books and stuff. not one person that i knew as the entire j1 cohort would only come around 8.30... so i went beck to the bus stop to wait sia. slowly everyone trickled in, and we went to canteen to sit down

(omg. this is like story telling)

anyway, soon, everyone was running around the whole school.
at first, it was only anthony, arwin & yongyue who were....
forcefully volunteered, should we say? and i was like:
OMG! the three worst salesmen selling cookies!
then they actually went table to table to sell. that's like WHOA

(dont you think that my style actually getting more bimbo. and i was like OMG~ ahh~~!)

wah sia. the whole class very thick skin lo. kumz's group actually managed to sell a tie, not the one i bought. cookies sold really easy, and GUYS BOUGHT FRIENDSHIP BANDS~!

check it yo~

anyway, it was real fun.

did i mention embarassing? nope. good. =D

well, fastforward to PAC sia. i confess first, i fell asleep. always have, always will. =D
then came the results part. that was like screw screw screw. ok for a more detailed explanation:

paul actually said that there was to be no provisional promotion. and i was like WTF?
then he said that there were to be groups. and i was like OMG! group all is it?
worse, those grouped were those that had abnormalies in their procedures.

so here's the main point. before moderation, i had double u. after, i managed to promote. i'm telling you something, i'm happy i promoted, sure, but others are facing the heat now. and what can i do to help?

here's what. nothing.

i cant fight for their place, i dont have the ability.
i cant console them, it might come out wrong. (i was so close to being the same)
i cant ensure them it'll all be alright, especially when i'm worried

like that how to be friend.

i realised all i could do was
just...
standing there...

that's it.

that's it.

i dunno. i absolutely love my friends. everyone of them. they can be irritating, loathesome, or even super adorable (i'm not judging, just a manner of expression, sorry to all) but in the end, they're still friends.

i 'm not gonna lose them though. they'll forever remain in my heart. (why am i talking like they're dead)

to my three classmates. you guys are great. tell me one thing, or more than one. that i can do for you, and i'll go all out to do it. hell i'll do it for anyone. just... sigh...
why do people create just to destroy.

i think i'm beaing real vague. but. that's how it is. i dun wanna lose you guys.

21. we were never really split down the middle. leave out the really. sorry... i'm whining on my blog now. i'm sure u guys dont need sympathy. so i aint giving you any.

i didnt wanna shake your hand. i didnt wanna admit that you were leaving. or any of you for that matter.

but. now...

DONT THINK SO MUCH LA~ CLASS CHALET COMING OLEDDY! LETS GO~

seriously? i think it's a good time. cya all there ok? we'll be a class. forever. a group of never breaking ties. a group never completely leaving each other.

lets move together. ok? =D

2008-11-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

got people complaiun why i never update, so OK here i am updating XD

officially halloween's over, but HAPPY HALLOWEEN! (why is it happy, anyone know?)

1st november.

the class will have a split in 6 days. 3 will leave us. damn it sucks.

ok here's the deal. first up i'm really sorry and i hope that no one gets the wrong idea. i'm not gloating, i'm not pitying. just what i think.

imagine you're in my shoes. results are around DEDUU (dee-du). in terms of results, i rank the upper caste amongst the lower caste. and with me are 8 others that i know of. they face the prospect of not promoting.

ever thought of this as a complete trashing of your life? retain, and you waste a year of your time. worse, you can't retain, cause the syllabus is different. next, leave the school for a poly. one year wasted anyway. one year. and leaving all your friends. sucks. it just sucks.

worse. you're one of nine (i know i'm informed fo 11, but i just cant get that number), and there will surely be someone out of the school. and you can't do anything about it.

i'm sorry. i will shake your hand, perhaps give a hug, and thank you for the year you've given me. but actions and words will not convey the feelings of losing one of the people who have roughed it out with me through the past year.

i feel no sympathy, for you have no need of it
i feel no sorrow, as you have enough of it
i feel no pain, as you have endured all of it
i feel no shame, as you're more than worth it
i feel no tears, as you've seen enough of it
i feel no gain, as there is nothing but losing from it
i feel no yearn, for a future without is most dull
i miss you so, but to me you'll never be null

OK AWAY FROM THE SORROW AND TOWARDS THE GREAT!

class chalet on 11~13! then batam from 24~27! then china from 30~7/8!! that's like totally awesome!

haha... life is so refreashing, a new thing everyday don't cha think?

oh yeah, one more thing, when i blog i feel like i'm talking to myself, what about everyone else? does it feel the same? *other than some-BO that doesnt have a tagboard on her blog*

kk signing off! adios mi amigos!

2008-10-27T02:15:00.002+08:00

BACK~~!

piang... never knew pw was so fun... my pw group is actually really a group of really nice people... they all sing the same song (literally) and we've been through so much together... we've roughed it out, and even, i think, our group actually doesnt dread PW meeting =D it's just like a congretion of friends!!! we're actually from many different cliques, but we're a formula for epic proportions!

today, we managed to procure our materials, and even finalised what was in and what was out. i'll have to start practicing soon T.T tuesday n wed are once more, and thursday is the final!!

oh and chinese exams are coming too... i think i'll actually read through the text 1 day before.

my nee-san now contacts me so much lesser... so much... and i rarely call her too... guess it's time to move on for everyone... she's probably having a horrible time still looking for her one true love. my heart still twitches when i think of her... so pure... so innocent... and forever beautiful and adorable in my mind... BUT! she's got a life.

anyway, BATAM OCIP!!! CHINA TRIP!!! XXD

24~27th november! batam time! we're heading over to help out the orphans... it's a mix of feelings... we're supposed to be helping others, but we're still making use of their misfortune to go shipping overseas... ahh heck, at least we're helping, and as long as we do so continously we're cool =D

china trip!! 30th ~ 6/7 December! china time! going with 3 pw members, one lively gal, and many others! i know i'm looking forward to checking out the river. XXD but lessons are gonna be omg wtf bbq hahaha! still, cold weather!!! i'm so gonna share a room with my chinese class friend XXD

leadership training... WTF??? 8 to 5 THE SCHOOL IS NUTS!!! the day started normal, us actually getting along. no choice as i knew no one there, and i didnt have the heart to force jessie to come, and i'd rather she'd be resting then coming here for nuts... i mean, one of us is enough man. anyway, i had to ask my previous lunchdude if i could sit with him. what crap man.

later, they shuffled the groups. no communication math problem sum solving. OMG WTF! i screwed uP! T.T i felt so so so so so bad! but luckily i apologised and my group accepted it T.T some other guy made a larger mistake XXD anyway, by 2, we were all toast. literally. toast. and by 4, burnt. i found myself sleeping once every 5 minutes, not remembering the talk at all... then i realised how amazaing these teachers were. they did an activity that had completely no relevance to their talk. and it was just an energizer. their tolerance was amazing, and their handling is precise. =D

haha... longer post todae eh? i hope to get sangokushi taisen ten soon... T.T i wanna play, for free! XXD kkayz, logging off, and timothy, i know u saw this! whether u wanna share me or not is up to you! i told you you'd know someday =P

kk nitex!!

2008-10-14T17:40:00.003+08:00

how does it feel. when you care for someone. when you're trying to help the person. and the person lashes out at you.

" Zzz the way you talk makes me FUCKING ANNOYED PLEASE I'M JUST HAVING A HECK OF PROBLEMS CAN YOU FOR ONCE STOP BOTHERING ME PLEASE?! "

all the time i've been a bother to you. i try to help. maybe it's true i am more of a bother.

all i want is to be a good nii-san. i just want you happy. and it's not even because i love you. i know i cant. my love hurts both of us. i try to forget. but nee-san. you wanted me to be your brother. and so i try my best. in the end...

i'm just a bother.

nee-san. start thinking about your words before you use them. THOSE WORDS STING.

words. alike to feelings, they are immaterial. they can hurt. nee-san... you can only see when others are hurting you. you see them through yourself... nee-san... you never fully understood me that's what you said.

on the other hand... did you really try...?

my high tolerence doesnt mean i DONT FEEL IT. those words really hurt. why... why do you have to keep hurting me. all i want is to be a good brother... all i want is to help you along...

yeah... you're just going to say " if i hurt you so much then just go. " you know what. that message you send to everyone, it shows them how little you care. it shows them how little you mean to them.

nee-san... i... shouldnt be here any more... words once said cant be taken back... and nee-san wants me gone. nee-san wants me to get lost...

i annoy nee-san.

i'm leaving, nee-san. for even as a brother, you fail to understand me. nee-san... you constantly lose sight of the things that are precious to you, and take them for granted easily... please take more care of your new found love(s)

nee-san... i shall stop bothering you. good bye nee-san... and this time maybe it's not just for once, but forever.

nee-san... take care... i still care for you... but it seems you dont need me to help. any more. ever.

but nee-san? watch your words... think them through before you actualy say them.

do actions, but never live to regret them.

nee-san... gomenasai. bye.

2008-10-07T16:30:00.002+08:00

LAST DAY OF PROMOes MY TEACHER SENT TO ME

ONE BOX OF GREEN PENS
TWO BIG TRASHBIN CANS
THREE STACKS OF PAPER
FOUR SHARPENED RAPIERS
FIVE SICK SLAVE DRIVERS
SIX SUITS FOR DIVERS

AND A BIG. FAT. FAIL!

ALL THE TIME WE CRY,
BEFORE WE REALLY DIE,
IN THE END FAIL IS FAIL CANNOT CHANGE LIAO!

XD!!!

promoes are amazing mugger power... last 3 days consecutively kept sleeping at 5! in e morning!

am i like weird? XD

everyone around me seems to lighten up... that's real nice...

*no sacarstic meaning XD*

anyhow, what kind of ball do thay use while playing soccer in the olympics for the disabled?

highlight the area inbetween the arrows for answer!
-->>> PARABOLA <<<--

haha... time to start! lets go baby lets go baby~~!

regards to nee-san, wings, n everyone who cares!

minasann~ gambatte~!

2008-10-01T01:45:00.002+08:00

love and care (why does GP have crime and punishment if this was what the world was about)

caring for a person really makes the peron capable of doing things never before possible... iem not talking about lifting 500kg of rock, or slaying a rex with bare fists...

in other words, it is more like doing something that is within human capability and yet just out of the reach of one's mental abilities...

for example... finding yourself having a paper since morning, ending around 10... then spending time around till 12.30, and waiting from then till 4. that's over 6 hours of waiting (even though he had material to study, it's an awful long time to be spending alone =X)

i kinda do it differently... she sparks this unconditional love within me, and from then, everything can be done (except areas that i have never had any experience before, and yet i know that some people will view it negatively)

i can go without food and yet not feel hungry... (actually i did it for myself as well, but i'll always place her value *priceless* before that of material pleasure...)

just to see you happy... makes me feel warm and happy myself...

sure, i may be jealous when you get together with another guy, but... i do love you... and i usually dont know the guy... whatif you're unhappy... i can't help but worry for you...

maybe i'm just too much of a burden... maybe i shouldnt intrude into your life... but i am your shield, your fortress of a safe haven... or am i?

well... iem actually hoping you call me... first thing tomorrow once you wake up... but... i shall feel it is unlikely... in the end i'll still end up being the one to contact you...

oh well...

2008-09-28T23:51:00.003+08:00

haiz... long time haben poste... T.T

iem really dun wanna cry any more... iem dun wanna feel hurt any more... but every time i feel the gaping hole in my heart, it only longs to be filled by you...

your community involves everyone that's not involved with me...

your lan group, made up of leonard, ricky, duane, kahmeng and other guys... all of which i dont know, and leonard's not counted...

your cosplay community, consisting of karei (which i tried to talk with but kinda failed), sparten (iem can talk, but we're really not close at all), tsuki (i think he actually ignores me at times)... and the fact that i can only think up these few names already show how distant iem from you... miyuki's the same age but we dont even talk (maybe she was wearing yoo high boots the other time, or iem just afraid you get the wrong idea =.=)

i dont do things you do... i dont even see how you think...

you stay overnight at other's house... but i dont get to do that, let alone invite you to do so at my house...

you run out at whim, while my parents need to give permission...

my life is thus restricted, but yours is free and crazy... we're playing completely opposite roles now arent we...

(so many one liners)

thing is... last time you asked me to love you... i told you i'd just be your brother... only on the second time, did i accept you... wanna know what i was thinking when i did?

i wanted to protect you. to make you never cry again.

that's exactly what i thought, and i still remember it like it was only one month ago (yesterday? nah it feels like 1 month.) i wanted to protect you. to make you happy. to allow you to feel the joy that you wanted...

ironically... when you were with me we cried so much... we had our times... but... i made you angry so easily...

ever wondered why i always said sorry?

i never wanted to let you down... so whenever i did some mistake... i'd always felt like a let you down...

now?

you're happier... you have a larger social circle... much larger than my own... you're outgoing, mixing with people you dont even know, getting to know people from all walks of life...

and i'm still sitting in my classroom...

perhaps one might attribute it to "income gaps" or "technological differences"... iem stagnated... staying forever in a pool of still water, giving the same stale taste whenever iem there...

which is why i appear to be an outlet into your old self... a method in which you can return to the times when you and me were all alone together... someone to protect you always, someone who you can return though and fro, used as a form of a tranquility...

now i'm stuck here... unhelpably loving you... still doing so many absurd thigns for you whenever i have the chance... if you give me the chance...

do you remember all of our letters...? our diary...? our oaths...?

or are they void as our relationship reduces to ash, reforming from which is not a pheonix, but an eagle? (idea is that pheonix represents our relationship romantically, whereas an eagle represents how i shall take care of you as a sister...)

iem love you. by 30th october this year it will be the 2 years that i have loved you. it has never ceased. see how stagnant i am...?

anyhow. i guess it's the calling of me, to be what you need, to be what you want...

you never want me gone, but you'll never love me... or rather you do, but in a different way...

if we're together, you wont be able to be with your friends... that'll hurt you, as i can only do so much to mingle with your group... (funny though, i always wanted to try cosplaying... but i never found the money...)

sure, i'll feel left out, and even as you start to like other guys, i'll be left alone again...

we've been through so much, it feels like i've broken up with you over seven times... (figure of speech, but it might actually add up to seven, i dont know how... sure thing though it makes those people who commit suicide after one break-up look completely stupid. moreover iem asking for more) the worse part is when i i actually still love you, a love that was one sided before now becomes one sided again...

i cant forget you. period. just like a fool. just like a pawn. i cant forget you. it's different. i dont love you the way you see on american serials... or chinese or whatever.... i'm not trying it out with you... iem not playing around with emotions just to see if this will work out.

i am whole. heartedly thinking about you... (figures why i can write this looooong essay all about you. is it a thousand words? a picture paints a thousand words, so it actually discribes the picture of my life.)

i miss you. but you're not coming back. you cant.

missing the past. how ironic. if only this world was a planet with just you and me. (omg CHEESY)

oh by the way, braket words are my own opinion on my blog, no split personality intended XD

anyhow. doesn't change things as i whine on my blog... better move on with life... take things one step at a time again. perhaps someday my path shall take a step into yours. and we might have another chance at reenacting this play... once more... just once more...

i pray thee... wherefore art thou... but just lost in thy heart... to be or not to be, that is the question.

2008-09-21T22:41:00.002+08:00

time flies. already it's but one week before the halfway benchmark in my life in a college... how fast everything you take for granted happens to pass by... but still, that only means that we have to treasure it more... to make the most use of it that we can... i haven't been doing that...

i read a quote from busou renkin recently...

in english, it translates to :
find the thing that you have to protect, then protect it with everything you've got, and find a reason to fight

many of us already have something around us that we ultimately treasure... a companion, hopefully for life. friends, for the whole journey. family, for all the times. everyone. for everything that's happened to us in our lives.

strange though, i start losing the feeling that i once convinced myself impossible to shake off... i know that i can never go against her... but somehow... somehow... it's different...?

perhaps i could be like the antagonist of code geass, lelouch... the things he does for his sister... is incredible...

we shall see... in time, everything falls into place, just like how tomorrow might never come, but yet it is just minutes away...

everything happens, maybe not for a reason. we cant control that, but what we can control, is how we actually react to various things...

like how i feel about my friends...

god bless the world, as we play on in our bewildered lives, fighting for what we feel is right...

amen

2008-09-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

understanding one another...?

how many times can we say that we understand what another person thinks?
how many times can we fully comprehend how another person feels?

it's not impossible but it's extremely difficult.

however, when we react, we have to comprehend how the opposite party feels...

for that, i apologise my dearest.

when i called you, i portrayed this lonely and sad figure...
true though, i did miss you.
but when i was calling you at a party, it was already insensitive of me to do so...
for me to obstruct your fun would be... selfish.

so what i want to say is... have fun my dearest =D
because someday i hope you'll return the favor too XXD

although ur phone ended up running out of battery, and i couldnt sae gdnitex =X

sometimes i hate myself for how i feel...
i know it but only makes matters worse,

how i crave for your attention
the way i long to hear your voice...
such attention often blurs the line between satisfaction and irritation...

as such, i ask for your forgiveness whenever i need your help...
you've always been trying to be there for me,
the least i can do is reduce ur burden =D

someday when you cry,
you'll see what i really mean.
but i never wanna see you cry

have fun my dearest!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tomorrow is my form's wedding!
and

we're

going

to

CRASH!!! XD

lawls, we plan to meet her at the reception...
but we know we won't be able to enter the hall or even get a seat...
but it's amazing... we actually dont mind...
she's pretty harsh on our work,
she's mean at times...
but we're still making a big effort to be there on her wedding
uninvited nonetheless...

so a big HAPPY WEDDING DAY (wth is that)
to my teacher in charge...
promos in 3 weeks, how enthralling for you too XD

valkarian,
ha-kum~!

2008-09-06T01:43:00.004+08:00

eww... people in this world... maybe death should be brought upon all of mankind, as when god created apocalypse...

how do you love someone wholeheartedly, care for the person?
that alone is a feat of man.
how do you perform so, when you know the person has feelings for someone other than yourself?
when all you demand is but a hint of loyalty, but all is but truth?

if there was a way of assuring my heart, it would be yours.

i'm still unstable, and i'm even more so...
you're in trouble, you're having problems...
i'm insensitively calling you, you're insensitively letting me go on.
i'm worried, you never ever tell me the whole picture.
i'm supposed to understand even though there is nothing i know about it.

i try.

today, i missed you since the moment i woke up.
the longer you are from me, the deeper my heart delves into thy self.
i call, and you're having fun.
but i'm inconvinienced, as you are.
halfway through, you call, but with the mindset to hang up really soon
i needed to stop too, so we but only exchanged few words.

i miss you.

at night, i call, only to receive the message that you're having fun.
and i'm bothering you.
but it happens, and i understand.
if i'm having the same thing, i would have expected you too as well

somehow, i fear it wouldnt work.

later, i stay up for your one message.
i call to clarify my doubts of your feelings.
but you are in trouble.
and it was as though i was a persistent idiot that wanted to pester you
calling you non-stop
making matters worse
you even had a friend step in our buisness.

why... it was just the two of us... why did you bring in someone else...

it felt like i was really useless,
it felt like i was made to be insensitive.
you don't, ever tell me what exactly is happening.
i never understand completely your problems.
you dont care about mine.

am i really that useless that someone else has to explain your intentions...?

and so... somehow... i feel really... really... sad...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i went out today.
supposedly it was for studying, and i brought math

lesson #1:
math sucks for a starter to revision.

i was with two friends. they were always emotional people.
sometimes it's hard to be with one of them.
he tells things i can't help but just find...
slightly childish...
he goes on about the same things over and over,
and i lead him on.
the other is slightly more mature yet immature at the same time.
he's wallowing in his own problems, half of which are self created.

lesson #2:
don't ever visit esplanade with 2 emotionally challenged friends.

first time to esplanade library (ain't i outdated)
i ended up playing the entire day instead.
how productive.

anyway, i'm beat.
tomorrow's a long day~

long live code geass

have fun all...
good night my dearest.
good night my friends.

LET A NEW DAY BEGIN

2008-09-03T00:00:00.003+08:00

invinc here's my theory. when a person is on the receiving end of a blow, his or her views of things undoubtedly gets blown out of proportion. which is why somethings may be blocked from the view of the one in question. both of you felt wronged.

before u flame me, hear me out.

she's adverse to vulgarities. and you used words that she was pretty adverse to. you were worried, but since when did that warrant a flaming session? perhaps it may not be flaming, but vulgarities are never nice.

you know her character, and you're really close to her. shouldn't understanding that be part of the entire process?

on her side, she misunderstood you. your words sounded like you snapped and were gonna leave her forever. she doesn't like trouble, and avoids it like the plague. which is why she over-reacts to certain things. she thought you were going to leave her invinc. her mistake

iem gonna break my no vulgarities rule.

FUCK ALL THOSE WHO EVEN THINK SHE'S A SLUT U MOTHER FUCKERSNOT EVERY FUCKING PERSON IS LIKE SLUTS, YOU THINK ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS FUCK ALL DAY FUCK YOU!

AND PROFIT??? HOW THE FUCKING SHALLOW YOU THINK SHE IS??? JUST FOR A FEW HUNDRED AND YOU MAKE NOISES?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MAN FUCK YOU

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CALCULATE TILL SUCH DETAIL! I KNOW IT'S HARD TO FORGET SOMEONE WHEN YOU HAVE THEIR ITEMS BUT ASKING FOR REPAYMENT YOU KNOW IS IMPOSSIBLE IS TOTALLY A FUCKER'S DOING.

there.

when our vision is clouded, we are unable to think in a rational manner. invinc. i hope you forgive and forget. it's for the best. also, there is nothing in hurting evryone else with it. i'm slightly disappointed you're capable of this invinc.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
here's my main post. why do people start wars, to hurt others? to make others feel bad? if we all understood each other's reasons perfectly, then there would be no quarrels.

if he knew what she thought, he wouldn't have made certain errors. if she knew how he felt, she wouldn't have done that. why is it that our thoughts are so obscure to us?

also, even if it is obvious, it is how we react to it that counts. she made you worried, but you immediately used vulgarities, that was your reaction. then she made a mistake. her reaction, then you started flaming her. your reaction.

it's how we act that counts, not how it turns out. and the way you handled it is really bad. pain but begets more pain. have fun everyone.
->Dong<-

2008-09-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

broke up again. how amazing is it?

breaking up sucks~! once is bad enough. I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT OVER 3 TIMES ALREADY!

before i start. i'd like all to know that i may crap and feel super sad and all. but i'm just relapsing into my stupid idiotic self pitying state.

everytime you realise it's for SOMEONE ELSE! first came kiro. then came leonard, then came this. and how do i feel everytime you tell me you have a crush on someone else? a favor for someone else! SOMEONE ELSE SOMEONE ELSE! never... ever... for me...?

you always get together with me after breaking up. break up once, get together... can't blame me i feel like some stupid idiot that's either retarded or just really stupid. i'm always picking up behind you, giving you a false sense of love that you mistaken to be remnants of your previous relationship. at least i feel that way. which part of you is for real, i shall never know

i dont read minds, i never knew what you say.
i dont feel hearts, i'll never know what you feel.
i dont read lips, i'll never catch your whispers.
i dont see the future, all i do is the present.

but... what happens when you can't trust everyone? one of my lifelong attitudes is almost absolute trust in every person. i trust my friends over and over again, trusting them with my life and my full faith in their capabilities. i trust strangers, as they abide by the rules and laws, codes of honor and faith... but can i believe in you, whom claims to show love but sometimes just acts otherwise...?

you laugh while you tell me you're serious.
your friends don't understand, perhaps, but aren't they your friends, your life?
just 3 days before you told me you loved leonard
you said you loved me
3 days later
your love changed
and you HAD BEEN DATING HIM

i felt no emotion
i felt no pain while you left me.
YEAH RIGHT.
it eats at me slowly... and i can't do anything about it.

i am your friend, loyal, true and forever understanding
i am your brother, there for you in times of need.

i am NOT your toy, for you to turn to only when you have nothing else to play with
i am NOT your help line, to help you hold on to hope then leaving me to death

i actually understand your plight. i get it. but... you handled it really badly. you hurt me. and you still portray that it's perfectly logical

here's what i think.

there's never a logical reason for a one sided break up. when you break up with someone, and it's one sided, the one who initiates it may have a reason, but to the one on the wrong end, it is never valid. you may explain for years on end. and turn up with the same ending.

and why go so far as to break up in reality? so many options, no to meet me, not to speak or behave wrongly in front of HIM. but what did you choose? the one that you bloody well knew would hurt. i don't understand. maybe a reason existed, but once again...

so now i'm actually adverse to love. i can't trust you, your word, unless it is attested. trust needs to be built... and everytime you break it, it onle gets lesser...

to make me love you...? i do. i forever do. but i do so with a fear of eternal damnation. and the fact that your feelings aren't true.

i pray to all. i pray to all in heaven.
i want to trust. i want to believe.
give me a reason for doing so...
and i shall.

dong....
*i am disappointed... in you, in myself... and what i actually really need is you beside me, i need you comfort me, to talk me through. and you what? go and blog. amazing.

Confusion-? Perhaps and Maybe

2008-08-31T11:02:00.000+08:00

Finally~ i can be sure about something... i love her. maybe not in the way that was previously existant between us... but new is always better, or so it should be XD sorry to all those who are somehow affected by this...

she's having lots of problems, lots of stress and sometimes pain from her previous relationships... but she has friends. at least it helps to share the pain with people that you actually know =x

Matsuri~
hontou gomen, mina-san... i was so emo and non-social T.T always emo down there, dragging my little waloli girl with me... sorry~
to all the people i got to knew, i may not really know you well right now, but it was absolutely such a good feeling to actually be able to mix in with people... meeting new people is always pretty cool, especially with all the new things that you can find out~! next time if i actually go i'll try to be more hyper XD
*though it's really hard when she's around, cause she makes me really change sometimes XD

to my friends, sorry i haven't been there for you. you've asked me out countless times, only to find that iem actually busy with stuff... and i never once explained it to you. iem so sorry, all i can say is good luck for the promoes, and i'll be there as often as i can for you...

okies, here's to the world, to the universal matters, and to the fact that my wish band would fall off soon and i get wishes XD
valkarian signing OFF~

2008-08-29T23:06:00.001+08:00

time passes me by, and even before i knew it, promotional exams are but 4 weeks away... that's in total a mere 28 days; 672 hours; 40320 minutes; 2419200 seconds... time is but only so forgiving, and even as it may seem to last, it starts to trickle away rapidly...

canopy walk~~!! ._.
todae went with my xiaojie and leonard to the famous treetop walks! man it was long (i really didnt feel the stretch though) and really messy, but it was a nice view, except for the end part where we had to climb up mount faber XD slopes upon slopes upon slopes how completely ghey is that? but it was pretty nice... they actually have people volunteering from national park walking the trail telling people the rules T.T no sleeping along henderson waves!!

i'm still a little bit phobic about going into another relationship... especially when it's with the same person... dont get me wrong, i do so love her so very much, but... when you've actually been through previous breakups (plural) and can never be sure about your feelings, how do you place trust in the one you so long to trust?

also... it's not her i'm worried about... it's me... will i actually be able to hold myself firm? will i relapse into the sickening self pitying self that i once was? will my life as a person who is capable of bringing laughter actually end? i dont know... but once thing doesnt change.

i love you. it doesnt change. but it feels different somehow, but i'm sure on that point.

Teachers' DAY!
it was really pretty cool! the mc for my school's celebration was so out of it that everything he said just happened to sound sacarstic XXD went back to my alma mater, not the real one. ends up that everyone knew that there was to be a meeting back at school, efficiently leaving me out T.T met one teacher, guess it works =P

anyhow, to all my friends, have a great day! sorry i had to go off~!
to my leige, i only await your command =D
to every body in the world, have fun!

Acquittal Celebrations

2008-08-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

guess this is actually my first serious blog, but who knows whether it'll last or not...?

23rd august... and today it's the 24th... even as we go about our everyday lives, time continually slips past us... eight months in the year of 2008, and yet i still remember the 1st of january...

at yet another person, a year and more between us, yet how many of those days we spent were true..? already before you left me in person, your heart has disappeared... like a puzzle piece, once that was once there is now but a gaping hole. and just on the 23rd, all that i previously believed and masked suddenly came crashing down...

all i wanted was to be there for you, to help you... to actually watch from rather afar while you continually find your other happiness... but i drew too close... and ended up hurting myself... the amusing part is where i actually still want to continue doing it...

maybe i'm just weird... maybe it just me... but... never once have i actually believed in turning anyother direction... little did i know i meant only that much to you...

anyhow, thank you for all you've done.
thank you for that once year of emotions.
those happy moments where we shared
those angry moments of silent frustrations
those sad moments of tears.
and also crazy moments of madness.

i might move on... maybe not... let time tell...

to my friends, i finally have a blog! how amazing =P promos are around the corner, so why doesnt everyone GAMBATTE *forgive my mix of jap* life is short but most if it is filled like a sweet, where the core is filled with the syrup of your favourite kind... lets see who can get to the center of the candy!!

to everyone. watch the fireworks. they rise in a burst of glory, majestic and high, but eventually they explode and disappear. after their once shot at glory, all they leave is smoke and a distant memory. grab hold of the glory, and be remembered for the time when you lit up someone's life!